Hello April; The Fool
NKW / Nkech N (all/any pronouns) is a queer Writer-Artist-Human Hybrid who is currently (and constantly) curious about the world we live in.
In ode to tonight’s Full Moon, I decided to pull a tarot card.
A mini reading, just for myself. A card that has followed me rather persistently throughout the last year is The Fool.
Numbered 0, The Fool represents infinite potential. They represent courage and freedom when met with a journey, or beginning. A step taken without full knowledge of the path ahead, but with trust (tinged with a little naivety) that some exciting adventure is on its way.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that, in one of my last readings, I pulled The Fool again. In this context, it feels a lot less like recklessness and more like an invitation towards optimism and excitement. To begin again, as I am. Who is April’s Fool?
I think that I would like to be.
We often think of April as the month of pranks: jokes, lightness and mischief. However, April is home to a lot of depth too, especially within the queer calendar. Alongside laughter, it asks us to pause and honour. We recognise a Day of Silence (held on the third Friday of April), honouring the impact of bullying and discrimination faced by LGBTQ+ students, National Transgender HIV Testing Day, and Nonbinary Parents Day, both on April 18th, and, last but never least, Lesbian Visibility Day on April 26th. Thus, beyond humour, April has space for care, connection, visibility and remembrance.
When I seek silence, it is often in moments where I feel overstimulated, deregulated. My instinct has always been to go inward. While I have learned so much about myself in doing this, I know I still have miles to go. Part of this is learning a new tool; must I always turn inward when I can also reach out?
I’ve been re-obsessing over Nina Simone recently, and one quote lives rent-free in my head:
“I tell you what Freedom is to me: No Fear.”
We have so far to go in this world, and fear has found its way into the smallest corners of our daily lives. So where do we go from here? I was thinking about this after reading Alicia Valenski’s words in Quamp’s March op-ed. “You’re allowed to pause the constant self-optimization.” It’s true. We are. And Quamp Chateau is a beautiful example of a space where we can go to simply exist. It’s the answer to finding our own little pockets of freedom, without constant pressure to Become, to Better, or to Educate.
I speak to myself as much as to you when I write this:
Perhaps it is time to challenge the instinct to withdraw.
Instead of pulling away from what hurts, which can sometimes feel like the shape of the world itself, what if we pushed into community? And this Silence… What if we hold it together? It’s always been the true Queer Agenda after all: Community over Isolation.
Indeed, there is something quietly radical about queer community.
Spaces where there is no masking. No explanations demanded. Where the question of “Who are you?” is not asked, nor answered, in fear or defiance, but in curiosity and expansion. Spaces where you can say something true, and hear back: “you too?”
Maybe that’s where The Fool comes in again. The ability to enter these spaces openly and gently risk being seen. Because when all of us are queer, are any of us? For clarification: yes! That’s the very best part.
I always wanted to go to church camp as a child. Quamp Chateau feels, in many ways, like the camp I dreamed of. Look at me, being a little psychic after all.
As a British Nigerian human, my hopes for the future are always tied to thoughts of my ancestors, and in honour of Nonbinary Parents Day, I find myself thinking forward, too. Queer futures have never been separate from lineage. They are an integral part of it. When I think back to the steps I’ve made in the past, well, I never knew I’d be writing an article for a coming camp that would host spaces for all queer-hearted humans who wish to step through the door, so…
I guess I’m saying, I’m ever so pleased to have moved like The Fool through my journey so far.
I’ll be preparing for a Quamp summertime (you can never start too soon, no?) with optimism, with excitement, and with a little trust.
